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<= o:p>
The Young Visiters or,
Mr. Salteena's Plan
By
Daisy Ashford
CHAPTER 1 - QUITE A YOUNG GIRL.
CHAPTER 3 - THE FIRST EVENING..
CHAPTER 4 - MR SALTEENAS PLAN..
CHAPTER 5 - THE CRYSTAL PALACE.
CHAPTER 10 - PREPARING FOR THE FRAY.
The
"owner of the copyright" guarantees that "The Young
Visiters" is
the
unaided effort in fiction of an authoress of nine years. "Effort,"=
;
however,
is an absurd word to use, as you may see by studying the
triumphant
countenance of the child herself, which is here reproduced
as
frontispiece to her sublime work. This is no portrait of a writer
who
had to burn the oil at midnight (indeed there is documentary
evidence
that she was hauled off to bed every evening at six): it has
an
air of careless power; there is a complacency about it that by the
severe
might perhaps be called smugness. It needed no effort for that
face
to knock off a masterpiece. It probably represents precisely how
she
looked when she finished a chapter. When she was actually at work
I
think the expression was more solemn, with the tongue firmly
clenched
between the teeth; an unholy rapture showing as she drew near
her
love chapter. Fellow-craftsmen will see that she is looking
forward
to this chapter all the time.
The
manuscript is in pencil in a stout little note book (twopence),
and
there it has lain for years, for though the authoress was nine
when
she wrote it she is now a grown woman. It has lain, in lavender
as it
were, in the dumpy note book, waiting for a publisher to ride
that
way and rescue it; and here he is at last, not a bit afraid that
to
this age it may appear "Victorian." Indeed if its pictures of Hig=
h
Life
are accurate (as we cannot doubt, the authoress seems always so
sure
of her facts) they had a way of going on in those times which is
really
surprising. Even the grand historical figures were free and
easy,
such as King Edward, of whom we have perhaps the most human
picture
ever penned, as he appears at a levée "rather sumshiously,"=
; in
a
"small but costly crown," and afterwards slips away to tuck
into
ices. It would seem in particular that we are oddly wrong in our
idea
of the young Victorian lady as a person more shy and shrinking than
the
girl of to-day. The Ethel of this story is a fascinating creature
who
would have a good time wherever there were a few males, but no
longer
could she voyage through life quite so jollily without
attracting
the attention of the censorious. Chaperon seems to be one
of
the very few good words of which our authoress had never heard.
The
lady she had grown into, the "owner of the copyright" already
referred
to, gives me a few particulars of this child she used to be,
and
is evidently a little scared by her. We should probably all be a
little
scared (though proud) if that portrait was dumped down in front
of us
as ours, and we were asked to explain why we once thought so
much
of ourselves as that.
Except
for the smirk on her face, all I can learn of her now is that
she
was one of a small family who lived in the country, invented
their
own games, dodged the governess and let the rest of the world go
hang.
She read everything that came her way, including, as the context
amply
proves, the grown-up novels of the period. "I adored writing and
used
to pray for bad weather, so that I need not go out but could stay
in
and write." Her mother used to have early tea in bed; sometimes
visitors
came to the house, when there was talk of events in high
society:
there was mention of places called
Theatre
and the "Crystale" Palace. This is almost all that is now
remembered,
but it was enough for the blazing child. She sucked her
thumb
for a moment (this is guesswork), and sat down to her amazing
tale.
"Her
mother used to have early tea in bed." Many authors must have had
a
similar experience, but they all missed the possibilities of it
until
this young woman came along. It thrilled her; and tea in bed at last takes =
its
proper place in fiction. "Mr Salteena woke
up
rarther early next day and was delighted to find Horace the footman
entering
with a cup of tea. Oh thank you my man said Mr Salteena
rolling
over in the costly bed. Mr Clark is nearly out of the bath sir
announced
Horace I will have great pleasure in turning it on for you
if
such is your desire. Well yes you might said Mr Salteena seeing it
was
the idear." Mr Salteena cleverly conceals his emotion, but as soon
as he
is alone he rushes to Ethel's door, "I say said Mr Salteena
excitedly
I have had some tea in bed."
"Sometimes
visitors came to the house." Nothing much in that to us,
but
how consummately this child must have studied them; if you
consider
what she knew of them before the "viacle" arrived to take
them
back to the station you will never dare to spend another week-end
in a
house where there may be a novelist of nine years. I am sure that
when
you left your bedroom this child stole in, examined everything
and
summed you up. She was particularly curious about the articles
on
your dressing-table, including the little box containing a reddish
powder,
and she never desisted from watching you till she caught you
dabbing
it on your cheeks. This powder, which she spells "ruge," went
a
little to her head, and it accompanies Ethel on her travels with
superb
effect. For instance, she is careful to put it on to be
proposed
to; and again its first appearance is excused in words that
should
henceforth be serviceable in every boudoir. "I shall put some
red
ruge on my face said Ethel becouse I am very pale owing to the
drains
in this house."
Those
who read will see how the rooms in
"compartments"
in the "Crystale" Palace, and how the "Gaierty" Hotel
grew
out of the Gaiety Theatre, with many other agreeable changes. The
novelist
will find the tale a model for his future work. How
incomparably,
for instance, the authoress dives into her story
at
once. How cunningly throughout she keeps us on the hooks of suspense,
jumping
to Mr Salteena when we are in a quiver about Ethel, and
turning
to Ethel when we are quite uneasy about Mr Salteena. This
authoress
of nine is flirting with her readers all the time. Her mind
is
such a rich pocket that as she digs in it (her head to the side and
her
tongue well out) she sends up showers of nuggets. There seldom
probably
was a novelist with such an uncanny knowledge of his
characters
as she has of Mr Salteena. The first line of the tale
etches
him for all time: "Mr Salteena was an elderly man of 42 and
fond
of asking people to stay with him." On the next page Salteena
draws
a touching picture of himself in a letter accepting an
invitation:
"I do hope I shall enjoy myself with you. I am fond of
digging
in the garden and I am parshal to ladies if they are nice I
suppose
it is my nature. I am not quite a gentleman but you would
hardly
notice it but can't be helped anyhow." "When the great
morning
arrived Mr Salteena did not have an egg for his breakfast in
case
he should be sick on the journey." For my part I love Mr Salteena,
who
has a touch of Hamlet, and I wished up to the end that Ethel would
make
him happy, though I never had much hope after I read the
description
of Bernard Clark's legs.
It is
not to be wondered at that Mr Salteena soon grew "rarther
jellous"
of Bernard, who showed off from the first. "My own room is
next
the bathroom said Bernard it is decerated dark red as I have
somber
tastes. The bathroom has got a tip up basin." Thus was Mr
Salteena
put in his place, and there the cruel authoress (with her
tongue
farther out than ever) doggedly keeps him. "After dinner Ethel
played
some merry tunes on the piano and Bernard responded with a
rarther
loud song in a base voice and Ethel clapped him a good deal.
Then
Mr Salteena asked a few riddles as he was not musicle." No wonder
Mr
Salteena went gloomily to bed, not to sleep, but to think
out
the greater riddle of how to become a gentleman, with which
triumphant
adventure the book is largely concerned.
To
many the most instructive part of the story will be the chapter
entitled
"Bernard's Idear." Bernard's "idear" (warmly acclaimed =
by
Ethel)
is that she and he should go up to
gaierty."
Something of the kind has often been done in fiction and in
guide-books,
but never probably in such a hearty way as here. Arrived
at
the "Gaierty" Hotel Bernard pokes his head into the "window =
of
the
pay
desk. Have you a couple of bedrooms for self and young lady he
enquired
in a lordly way." He is told that they have two beauties.
"Thank
you said Bernard we will go up if you have no objection. None
whatever
sir said the genial lady the beds are well aired and the view
quite
pleasant. Come along Ethel cried Bernard this sounds alright eh.
Oh
quite said Ethel with a beaming smile." He decides gallantly
that
the larger room shall be hers. "I shall be quite lost in that
large
bed," Ethel says. "Yes I expect you will said Bernard and now
what
about a little table d'ote followed by a theatre?"
Bernard's
proposal should be carried in the pocket of all future
swains.
He decides "whilst imbibing his morning tea beneath the pink
silken
quilt," that to propose in
idear."
He springs out of bed and knocks at Ethel's door. "Are you up
my
dear? he called. Well not quite said Ethel hastily jumping from her
downy
nest." He explains his "idear." "Oh hurrah shouted Ethe=
l I
shall
soon
be ready as I had my bath last night so won't wash very much
now."
They
go up the river in a boat, and after they had eaten and "drunk
deeply
of the charming viands ending up with merangs and chocklates,"
Bernard
says "in a passionate voice Let us now bask under the
spreading
trees. Oh yes lets said Ethel." "Ethel he murmered in a
trembly
voice. Oh what is it said Ethel." What it was (as well
she
knew) was love eternal. Ethel accepts him, faints and is brought back
to
life by a clever "idear" of Bernard's, who pours water on her.
"She
soon
came to and looked up with a sickly smile. Take me back to the
'Gaierty'
Hotel she whispered faintly. With pleasure my darling said
Bernard
I will just pack up our viands ere I unloose the boat. Ethel
felt
better after a few drops of champaigne and began to tidy her hair
while
Bernard packed the remains of the food. Then arm in arm they
tottered
to the boat, I trust you have not got an illness my darling
murmured
Bernard as he helped her in, Oh no I am very strong said
Ethel
I fainted from joy she added to explain matters. Oh I see said
Bernard
handing her a cushion well some people do he added kindly."
"So
I will end my chapter," the authoress says; and we can picture her
doing
it complacently, and slowly pulling in her tongue.
Ethel
was married in the Abbey. Her wedding dress was "a rich
satin
with a humped pattern of gold on the pure white and it had a long
train
edged with Airum lillies." "You will indeed be a charming
spectacle
my darling gasped Bernard as they left the shop," and I have
no
doubt she was. She got many delightful presents, the nicest of all
being
from her father, who "provided a cheque for £2 and promised to
send
her a darling little baby calf when ready." This is perhaps the
prettiest
touch in the story and should make us all take off our hats
to
the innocent wondering mind that thought of it.
Poor
Mr Salteena. He was at the wedding, dressed in black and crying
into
his handkerchief. However he recovered to an extent and married
Another
and had ten children, "five of each," none of them of course
equal
to Ethel's children, of whom in a remarkably short time there
were
seven, which the authoress evidently considers to be the right
"idear."
It
seems to me to be a remarkable work for a child, remarkable
even
in its length and completeness, for when children turn author they
usually
stop in the middle, like the kitten when it jumps. The
pencilled
MS. has been accurately reproduced, not a word added or cut
out.
Each chapter being in one long paragraph, however, this has been
subdivided
for the reader's comfort.
J. M.
BARRIE.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 1 - QUITE A YOUNG GIRL
Mr
Salteena was an elderly man of 42 and was fond of asking peaple to
stay
with him. He had quite a young girl staying with him of 17 named
Ethel
Monticue. Mr Salteena had dark short hair and mustache and
wiskers
which were very black and twisty. He was middle sized and he
had
very pale blue eyes. He had a pale brown suit but on Sundays he
had a
black one and he had a topper every day as he thorght it more
becoming.
Ethel Monticue had fair hair done on the top and blue eyes.
She
had a blue velvit frock which had grown rarther short in the
sleeves.
She had a black straw hat and kid gloves.
One
morning Mr Salteena came down to brekfast and found Ethel had come
down
first which was strange. Is the tea made Ethel he said rubbing
his
hands. Yes said Ethel and such a quear shaped parcel has come for
you
Yes indeed it was a quear shape parcel it was a hat box tied down
very
tight and a letter stuffed between the string. Well well said Mr
Salteena
parcels do turn quear I will read the letter first and so
saying
he tore open the letter and this is what it said
My dear Alfred.<= o:p>
I want you to co=
me for
a stop with me so I have sent you a top hat
wraped up in tis=
hu
paper inside the box. Will you wear it staying
with me because =
it is
very uncommon. Please bring one of your young
ladies whichever=
is
the prettiest in the face.
=
=
I
remain Yours truely
=
&nb=
sp; =
Bernard Clark.
Well
said Mr Salteena I shall take you to stay Ethel and fancy him
sending
me a top hat. Then Mr S. opened the box and there lay the most
splendid
top hat of a lovly rich tone rarther like grapes with a
ribbon
round compleat.
Well
said Mr Salteena peevishly I dont know if I shall like it the bow
of
the ribbon is too flighty for my age. Then he sat down and eat the
egg
which Ethel had so kindly laid for him. After he had finished his
meal
he got down and began to write to Bernard Clark he ran up stairs
on
his fat legs and took out his blotter with a loud sniff and this is
what
he wrote
My dear Bernard<= o:p>
Certinly I shall=
come
and stay with you next Monday I will bring
Ethel Monticue
commonly called Miss M. She is very active and
pretty. I do hop=
e I
shall enjoy myself with you. I am fond of
digging in the g=
arden
and I am parshial to ladies if they
are nice I suppo=
se it
is my nature. I am not quite a gentleman but
you would hardly
notice it but cant be helped anyhow. We will come
by the 3-15.
=
&nb=
sp;
Your old and valud friend
=
&nb=
sp; =
Alfred Salteena.
Perhaps
my readers will be wondering why Bernard Clark had asked Mr
Salteena
to stay with him. He was a lonely man in a remote spot and he
liked
peaple and partys but he did not know many. What rot muttered
Bernard
Clark as he read Mr Salteenas letter. He was rarther a
presumshious
man.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 2 - STARTING GAILY
When
the great morning came Mr Salteena did not have an egg for his
brekfast
in case he should be sick on the jorney.
What
top hat will you wear asked Ethel.
I
shall wear my best black and my white alpacka coat to keep off the
dust
and flies replied Mr Salteena.
I
shall put some red ruge on my face said Ethel because I am very pale
owing
to the drains in this house.
You
will look very silly said Mr Salteena with a dry laugh.
Well
so will you said Ethel in a snappy tone and she ran out of the
room
with a very superier run throwing out her legs behind and her
arms
swinging in rithum.
Well
said the owner of the house she has a most idiotick run.
Presently
Ethel came back in her best hat and a lovly velvit coat of
royal
blue. Do I look nice in my get up she asked.
Mr
Salteena survayed her. You look rarther rash my dear your colors
dont
quite match your face but never mind I am just going up to say
goodbye
to Rosalind the housemaid.
Well
dont be long said Ethel. Mr S. skipped upstairs to Rosalinds
room.
Goodbye Rosalind he said I shall be back soon and I hope I shall
enjoy
myself.
I
make no doubt of that sir said Rosalind with a blush as Mr Salteena
silently
put 2/6 on the dirty toilet cover.
Take
care of your bronkitis said Mr S. rarther bashfully and he
hastilly
left the room waving his hand carelessly to the housemaid.
Come
along cried Ethel powdering her nose in the hall let us get into
the
cab. Mr Salteena did not care for powder but he was an
unselfish
man so he dashed into the cab. Sit down said Ethel as the
cabman
waved his whip you are standing on my luggage. Well I am paying
for
the cab said Mr S. so I might be allowed to put my feet were I like.
They
traveled 2nd class in the train and Ethel was longing to go first
but
thought perhaps least said soonest mended. Mr Salteena got very
excited
in the train about his visit. Ethel was calm but she felt
excited
inside. Bernard has a big house said Mr. S. gazing at Ethel he
is
inclined to be rich.
Oh
indeed said Ethel looking at some cows flashing past the window.
Mr.
S. felt rarther disheartened so he read the paper till the train
stopped
and the porters shouted Rickamere station. We had better
collect
our traps said Mr Salteena and just then a very exalted
footman
in a cocked hat and olive green uniform put his head in
at
the window. Are you for Rickamere Hall he said in impressive tones.
Well
yes I am said Mr Salteena and so is this lady.
Very
good sir said the noble footman if you will alight I will see to
your
luggage there is a convayance awaiting you.
Oh
thankyou thankyou said Mr. S. and he and Ethel stepped along the
platform.
Outside they found a lovely cariage lined with olive green
cushons
to match the footman and the horses had green bridles and bows
on
their manes and tails. They got gingerly in. Will he bring our
luggage
asked Ethel nervously.
I
expect so said Mr Salteena lighting a very long cigar.
Do we
tip him asked Ethel quietly.
Well
no I dont think so not yet we had better just thank him
perlitely.
Just
then the footman staggered out with the bagage. Ethel bowed
gracefully
over the door of the cariage and Mr S. waved his hand
as
each bit of luggage was hoisted up to make sure it was all there.
Then
he said thankyou my good fellow very politely. Not at all sir said
the
footman and touching his cocked hat he jumped actively to the box.
I was
right not to tip him whispered Mr Salteena the thing to do is to
leave
2/6 on your dressing table when your stay is over.
Does
he find it asked Ethel who did not really know at all how to go
on at
a visit. I beleeve so replied Mr Salteena anyhow it is quite the
custom
and we cant help it if he does not. Now my dear what do you
think
of the sceenery
Very
nice said Ethel gazing at the rich fur rug on her knees. Just
then
the cariage rolled into a beautifull drive with tall trees and
big
red flowers growing amid shiny dark leaves. Presently the haughty
coachman
pulled up with a great clatter at a huge front door with tall
pillers
each side a big iron bell and two very clean scrapers. The
doors
flung open as if by majic causing Ethel to jump and a portly
butler
appeared on the scene with a very shiny shirt front and a huge
pale
face. Welcome sir he exclaimed good naturedly as Mr Salteena
alighted
rarther quickly from the viacle and please to step inside.
Mr
Salteena stepped in as bid followed by Ethel. The footman again
struggled
with the luggage and the butler Francis Minnit by name
kindly
lent a hand. The hall was very big and hung round with guns and
mate
and ancesters giving it a gloomy but a grand air. The butler then
showed
them down a winding corridoor till he came to a door which he
flung
open shouting Mr Salteena and a lady sir.
A
tall man of 29 rose from the sofa. He was rarther bent in the middle
with very
nice long legs fairish hair and blue eyes. Hullo Alf old boy
he
cried so you have got here all safe and no limbs broken.
None
thankyou Bernard replied Mr Salteena shaking hands and let me
introduce
Miss Monticue she is very pleased to come for this
visit.
Oh yes gasped Ethel blushing through her red ruge. Bernard looked
at
her keenly and turned a dark red. I am glad to see you he said I hope
you
will enjoy it but I have not arranged any partys yet as I dont
know
anybody.
Dont
worry murmered Ethel I dont mix much in Socierty and she gave him
a
dainty smile.
I
expect you would like some tea said Bernard I will ring.
Yes
indeed we should said Mr Salteena egerly. Bernard pealed on the
bell
and the butler came in with a stately walk.
Tea
please Minnit crid Bernard Clark. With pleshure sir replied Minnit
with
a deep bow. A glorious tea then came in on a gold tray two kinds
of
bread and butter a lovly jam role and lots of sugar cakes. Ethels
eyes
began to sparkle and she made several remarks during the meal. I
expect
you would now like to unpack said Bernard when it was over.
Well
yes that is rarther an idear said Mr Salteena.
I
have given the best spare room to Miss Monticue said Bernard with a
gallant
bow and yours turning to Mr Salteena opens out of it so you
will
be nice and friendly both the rooms have big windows and a
handsome
view.
How
charming said Ethel. Yes well let us go up replied Bernard and he
led
the way up many a winding stairway till they came to an oak door
with
some lovly swans and bull rushes painted on it. Here we are he
cried
gaily. Ethels room was indeed a handsome compartment with purple
silk
curtains and a 4 post bed draped with the same shade. The toilit
set
was white and mouve and there were some violets in a costly varse.
Oh I say
cried Ethel in supprise. I am glad you like it said Bernard
and
here we have yours Alf. He opened the dividing doors and
portrayed
a smaller but dainty room all in pale yellow and wild
primroses.
My own room is next the bath room said Bernard it is
decerated
dark red as I have somber tastes. The bath room has got a
tip
up bason and a hose thing for washing your head.
A
good notion said Mr Salteena who was secretly getting jellus.
Here
we will leave our friends to unpack and end this Chapter.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 3 - THE FIRST EVENING
When
they had unpacked Mr Salteena and Ethel went downstairs to
dinner.
Mr Salteena had put on a compleat evening suit as he thought
it
was the correct idear and some ruby studs he had got at a sale.
Ethel
had on a dress of yellaw silk covered with tulle which was quite
in
the fashion and she had on a necklace which Mr Salteena gave her
for a
birthday present. She looked very becomeing and pretty and
Bernard
heaved a sigh as he gave her his arm to go into dinner. The
butler
Minnit was quite ready for the fray standing up very stiff and
surrounded
by two footmen in green plush and curly white wigs who were
called
Charles and Horace.
Well
said Mr Salteena lapping up his turtle soup you have a
very
sumpshous house Bernard.
His
friend gave a weary smile and swollowed a few drops of sherry
wine.
It is fairly decent he replied with a bashful glance at Ethel
after
our repast I will show you over the premisis.
Many
thanks said Mr Salteena getting rarther flustered with his forks.
You
ourght to give a ball remarked Ethel you have such large
compartments.
Yes
there is room enough sighed Bernard we might try a few steps and
meanwhile
I might get to know a few peaple.
So
you might responded Ethel giving him a speaking look.
Mr
Salteena was growing a little peevish but he cheered up when the
Port
wine came on the table and the butler put round some costly
finger
bowls. He did not have any in his own house and he followed
Bernard
Clarks advice as to what to do with them. After dinner Ethel
played
some merry tunes on the piano and Bernard responded with
a
rarther loud song in a base voice and Ethel clapped him a good deal.
Then
Mr Salteena asked a few riddles as he was not musicle. Then
Bernard
said shall I show you over my domain and they strolled into
the
gloomy hall.
I see
you have a lot of ancesters said Mr Salteena in a jelous tone,
who
are they.
Well
said Bernard they are all quite correct. This is my aunt Caroline
she
was rarther exentrick and quite old.
So I
see said Mr Salteena and he passed on to a lady with a very tight
waist
and quearly shaped. That is Mary Ann Fudge my grandmother I
think
said Bernard she was very well known in her day.
Why
asked Ethel who was rarther curious by nature.
Well
I dont quite know said Bernard but she was and he moved away to
the
next picture. It was of a man with a fat smiley face and a red
ribbon
round him and a lot of medals. My great uncle Ambrose
Fudge
said Bernard carelessly.
He
looks a thourough ancester said Ethel kindly.
Well
he was said Bernard in a proud tone he was really the Sinister
son
of Queen
Not
really cried Ethel in excited tones but what does that mean.
Well
I dont quite know said Bernard Clark it puzzles me very much but
ancesters
do turn quear at times.
Peraps
it means god son said Mr Salteena in an inteligent voice.
Well
I dont think so said Bernard but I mean to find out.
It is
very grand anyhow said Ethel.
It is
that replied her host geniully.
Who
is this said Mr Salteena halting at a picture of a lady holding up
some
grapes and smiling a good deal.
Her
name was called Minnie Pilato responded Bernard she was rarther
far
back but a real relation and she was engaged to the earl of
Tullyvarden
only it did not quite come off.
What
a pity crid Ethel.
Yes
it was rarther replied Bernard but she marrid a Captain in the
Navy
and had seven children so she was quite alright.
Here
Mr Salteena thourght he had better go to bed as he had had a long
jornney.
Bernard always had a few prayers in the hall and some whiskey
afterwards
as he was rarther pious but Mr Salteena was not very
adicted
to prayers so he marched up to bed. Ethel stayed as she
thourght
it would be a good thing. The butler came in as he was a very
holy
man and Bernard piously said the Our Father and a very good hymm
called
I will keep my anger down and a Decad of the Rosary. Ethel
chimed
in quiutly and Francis Minnit was most devout and Ethel
thourght
what a good holy family she was stopping with. So I will end
my
chapter.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 4 - MR SALTEENAS PLAN
Mr Salteena
woke up rarther early next day and was supprised and
delighted
to find Horace the footman entering with a cup of tea.
Oh
thankyou my man said Mr Salteena rolling over in the costly bed. Mr
plesure
in turning it on for you if such is your desire. Well yes you
might
said Mr Salteena seeing it was the idear and Horace gave a
profound
bow.
Ethel
are you getting up shouted Mr Salteena.
Very
nearly replied Ethel faintly from the next room.
I say
said Mr Salteena excitedly I have had some tea in bed.
So
have I replied Ethel.
Then
Mr Salteena got into a mouve dressing goun with yellaw tassles
and
siezing his soap he wandered off to the bath room which was most
sumpshous.
It had a lovly white shiny bath and sparkling taps and
several
towels arrayed in readiness by thourghtful Horace. It also had
a
step for climbing up the bath and other good dodges of a rich
nature.
Mr Salteena washed himself well and felt very much better.
After
brekfast Mr Salteena asked Bernard if he could have some privite
conversation
with him. Well yes replied Bernard if you will come into
my
study we can have a few words.
Cant
I come too muttered Ethel sulkily.
No my
dear said Mr Salteena this is privite.
Perhaps
later I might have a privite chat with you Miss Monticue said
Bernard
kindly.
Oh do
lets said Ethel.
Then
Bernard and Mr S. strolled to the study and sat upon two arm
chairs.
Fire away said Bernard lighting his pipe. Well I cant exactly
do
that said Mr Salteena in slow tones it is a searious matter and you
can
advise me as you are a thorugh gentleman I am sure.
Well
yes said Bernard what can I do for you eh Alf?
You
can help me perhaps to be more like a gentleman said Mr Salteena
getting
rarther hot I am quite alright as they say but I would like to
be
the real thing can it be done he added slapping his knees.
I
dont quite know said Bernard it might take a good time.
Might
it said Mr S. but I would slave for years if need be. Bernard
scratched
his head. Why dont you try the Crystal Pallace he asked
several
peaple Earls and even dukes have privite compartments there.
But I
am not an Earl said Mr Salteena in a purplexed tone.
True
replied Bernard but I understand there are sort of students there
who
want to get into the War Office and notable banks.
Would
that be a help asked Mr Salteena egerly.
Well
it might said Bernard I can give you a letter to my old pal the
Earl
of Clincham who lives there he might rub you up and by mixing
with
him you would probably grow more seemly.
Oh
ten thousand thanks said Mr Salteena I will go there as soon as it
can
be arranged if you would be so kind as to keep an eye on Ethel
while
I am away.
Oh
yes said Bernard I may be running up to town for a few days and she
could
come too.
You
are too kind said Mr Salteena and I dont think you will find her
any
trouble.
No I
dont think I shall said Bernard she is a pretty girl cheerful and
active.
And he blushed rarther red.
<=
span
lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 5 - THE
About
9 oclock next morning Mr Salteena stood bag in hand in the
ancestle
hall waiting for the viacle to convay him to the station.
Bernard
Clark and Ethel were seated side by side on a costly sofa
gazing
abstractly at the parting guest. Horace had dashed off to put
on his
cocked hat as he was going in the baroushe but Francis Minnit
was
roaming about the hall well prepared for any deed.
Well
said Bernard puffing at his meershum pipe I hope you will get on
Alf I
am sure you have that little letter to old Clincham eh
In deed
I have said Mr Salteena many thanks for the same and I do hope
Ethel
will behave properly.
Oh
yes I expect she will said Bernard with a sigh.
I
always do said Ethel in a snappy tone.
Just
then there was a great clatter outside and the sound of hoofs and
a
loud neigh. The barouche I take it said Bernard rising slowly.
Quite
correct sir said Minnit flinging wide the portles.
Well
goodbye Alf old man said Bernard Clark good luck and God bless
you
he added in a pius tone.
Not
at all said Mr Salteena I have enjoyed my stop which has been
short
and sweet well goodbye Ethel my child he said as bag in hand he
proceeded
to the door. Francis Minnit bowed low and handed a small
parcel
to Mr Salteena a few sandwighs for the jorney sir he remarked.
Oh
this is most kind said Mr Salteena.
Minnit
closed his eyes with a tired smile. Not kind sir he muttered
quite
usual.
Oh
really said Mr Salteena feeling rather flabergasted well
goodbye
my good fellow and he slipped 2/6 into the butlers open palm.
Mr
Salteena had to travel first class as active Horace ran on to buy
the
ticket which he presented with a low bow the Times and
Tit-Bits.
Oh many thanks my man said Mr Salteena in a most airy
voice
now will you find me a corner seat in the train eh.
If
there is one sir replied Horace.
In
got Mr Salteena to his first class carrage surrounded by his
luggage
carefully piled up by kindly Horace. The other pasengers
looked
full of envy at the curly white wig and green plush uniform of
Horace.
Mr Salteena crossed his legs in a lordly way and flung a fur
rug
over his knees though he was hot enough in all consciunce. He
began
to feel this was the thin end of the partition and he smiled as
he
gently tapped the letter in his coat tail pocket. When Mr Salteena
arrived
in
thinking
how gay all was. Presently he beheld a resterant with a big
Menu
outside and he went boldly in.
It
was a sumpshous spot all done up in gold with plenty of looking
glasses.
Many hansome ladies and gentlemen were already partaking of
choice
food and rich wines and whiskey and the scene was most lively.
Mr
Salteena had a little whiskey to make him feel more at home. Then
he
eat some curry to the tune of a merry valse on the band. He beat
time
to the music and smiled kindly at the waiters and he felt very
excited
inside. I am seeing life with a vengance he muttered to
himself
as he paid his bill at the desk. Outside Mr Salteena found a
tall
policeman. Could you direct me to the Crystale Pallace if you
please
said Mr Salteena nervously.
Well
said the geniul policeman my advice would be to take a cab sir.
Oh
would it said Mr Salteena then I will do so.
He
hailed a Hansome and got speedily in to the
gaily
and holding his bag on his knees he prepared to enjoy the sights
of
the Metropilis. It was a merry drive and all too soon the Palace
heaved
in view. Mr Salteena sprang out and paid the man and then he
entered
the wondrous edifice. His heart beat very fast as two huge men
in
gold braid flung open the doors. Inside was a lovely fountain in
the
middle and all round were little stalls where you could buy sweets
and
lemonade also scent handkerchiefs and many dainty articles. There
were
a lot of peaple but nobody very noteable.
At
last after buying two bottles of scent and some rarther nice sweets
which
stuck to his teeth Mr Salteena beheld a wooden door on which was
nailed
a notice saying To the Privite Compartments.
Ah ha
said Mr Salteena to himself this is evidently my next move,
and
he gently pushed open the door straitening his top hat as he did so.
Inside
he found himself in a dimly lit passage with a thick and
handsom
carpet. Mr Salteena gazed round and beheld in the gloom a very
superier
gentleman in full evening dress who was reading a newspaper
and
warming his hands on the hot water pipes. Mr Salteena advanced on
tiptoe
and coughed gently as so far the gentleman had paid no
attention.
However at the second cough he raised his eyes in a weary
fashion.
do you want anything he asked in a most noble voice.
Mr
Salteena got very flustered. Well I am seeking the Earl of Clincham
he
began in a trembly voice are you by any chance him he added most
respectfully.
No
not exacktly replied the other my name happens to be Edward
Procurio.
I am half italian and I am the Groom of the Chambers.
What
chambers asked Mr Salteena blinking his eyes.
These
said Edward Procurio waving a thin arm.
Mr
Salteena then noticed several red doors with names of people on
each
one. Oh I see he said then perhaps you can tell me where the Earl
of
Clincham is to be found.
At
the end of the passage fourth door down said Procurio tritely of
course
he may be out one never knows what they are up to.
I
suppose not said Mr Salteena in an interested tone.
One
can not gamble on anything really said Procurio returning to the
hot
water pipes though of course I know a lot more than most peaple
about
the inmates here.
What
are the habbits of the Earl of Clincham said Mr Salteena.
Procurio
gave a smile many and varius he replied I cant say much in my
position
but one lives and learns. He heaved a sigh and shruged
his
shoulders.
Well
good day said Mr Salteena feeling better for the chat.
Procurio
nodded in silence as Mr Salteena trotted off down the
passage.
At last he came to a door labelled Clincham Earl of in big
letters.
With a beating heart Mr Salteena pulled the bell and the door
swung
open of its own accord. At the same moment a cheery voice rang
out
from the distance. Come in please I am in the study first door on
left.
With
a nervous bound Mr Salteena obeyd these directions and found
himself
in a small but handsome compartment done in dark green lether
with
crests on the chairs. Over the mantlepiece was hung the painting
of a
lady in a low neck looking quite the thing. By the desk was
seated
a tall man of 35 with very nice eyes of a twinkly nature and
curly
hair he wore a quite plain suit of palest grey but well
made
and on the table reposed a grey top hat which had evidently been
on
his head recently. He had a rose in his button hole also a signet
ring.
Hullo
said this pleasant fellow as Mr. Salteena was spell bound on
mat.
Hullo
your Lord Ship responded our hero bowing low and dropping his
top
hat do I adress the Earl of Clincham.
You
do said the Earl with a homely smile and who do I adress eh.
Our
hero bowed again Alfred Salteena he said in deep tones.
Oh I
see said the kindly earl well come in my man and tell me who you
are.
Mr
Salteena seated himself gingerly on the edge of a crested chair.
To
tell you the truth my Lord I am not anyone of import and I am not a
gentleman
as they say he ended getting very red and hot.
Have
some whiskey said lord Clincham and he poured the liquid into a
glass
at his elbow. Mr. Salteena lapped it up thankfully.
Well
my man said the good natured earl what I say is what dose it
matter
we cant all be of the Blood royal can we.
No
said Mr Salteena but I suppose you are.
Lord
Clincham waved a careless hand. A small portion flows in my viens
he
said but it dose not worry me at all and after all he added piously
at
the Day of Judgement what will be the odds.
Mr
Salteena heaved a sigh. I was thinking of this world he said.
Oh I
see said the Earl but my own idear is that these things are as
piffle
before the wind.
Not
being an earl I cant say answered our hero but may I beg you to
read
this letter my Lord. He produced Bernards note from his coat
tails.
The Earl of Clincham took it in his long fingers. This is what
he
read.
My dear Clincham=
The bearer of th=
is
letter is an old friend of mine not quite the
right side of the
blanket as they say in fact he is the son of a
first rate butch=
er but
his mother was a decent family called
Hyssopps of the =
Glen
so you see he is not so bad and is desireus of
being the correct
article. Could you rub him up a bit in Socierty
ways. I dont kno=
w much
details about him but no doubt he will
supply all you n=
eed. I
am keeping well and hope you are. I must run
up to the Compar=
tments
one day and look you up.
=
&nb=
sp;Yours
as ever your faithfull friend
=
&nb=
sp; =
Bernard Clark.
The
Earl gave a slight cough and gazed at Mr Salteena thourghtfully.
Have
you much money he asked and are you prepared to spend a good
deal.
Oh
yes quite gasped Mr Salteena I have plenty in the bank and £10 in
ready
gold in my purse.
You
see these compartments are the haunts of the Aristockracy said the
earl
and they are kept going by peaple who have got something funny in
their
family and who want to be less mere if you can comprehend.
Indeed
I can said Mr Salteena.
Personally
I am a bit parshial to mere people said his Lordship but
the
point is that we charge a goodly sum for our training here but
however
if you cant pay you need not join.
I can
and will proclaimed Mr Salteena and he placed a £10 note on the
desk.
His Lordship slipped it in his trouser pocket. It will be £42
before
I have done with you he said but you can pay me here and there
as
convenient.
Oh
thankyou cried Mr Salteena.
Not
at all said the Earl and now to bissness. While here you will live
in
compartments in the basement known as Lower Range. You will get
many
hints from the Groom of the Chambers as to clothes and
ettiquett
to menials. You will mix with me for grammer and I might take
you
out hunting or shooting sometimes to give you a few tips. Also I
have
lots of ladies partys which you will attend occasionally.
Mr
Salteenas eyes flashed with excitement. I shall enjoy that he
cried.
His
Lordship coughed loudly. You may not marry while under instruction
he
said firmly.
Oh I
shall not need to thankyou said Mr Salteena.
You
must also decide on a profeshion said his Lordship as your
instruction
will vary according.
Could
I be anything at Buckingham Pallace said Mr Salteena with
flashing
eyes.
Oh
well I dont quite know said the noble earl but you might perhaps
gallopp
beside the royal baroushe if you care to try.
Oh
indeed I should cried Mr Salteena I am very fond of fresh air and
royalties.
Well
said the earl with a knowing smile I might arrange it with
the
prince of Wales who I am rarther intimate with.
Not
really gasped Mr Salteena.
Dear
me yes remarked the earl carelessly and if we decide for you to
gallopp
by the royal viacle you must be mesured for some plush
knickerbockers
at once.
Mr
Salteena glanced at his rarther fat legs and sighed.
Well
I must go out now and call on a few Dowigers said his Lordship
picking
up his elegent top hat. Well au revoir he added with a good
french
accent.
Adieu
my Lord cried Mr Salteena not to be out done we meet anon I take
it.
Not
till tomorrow answered the earl you will now proceed to the lower
regions
where you will no doubt find tea. He nodded kindly and glided
out
in silence.
Here
I will end my chapter.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 6 - HIGH LIFE
Mr
Salteena awoke next morning in his small but pleasant room. It was
done
in green and white with Monagrams on the toilit set. He had a
tiny
white bed with a green quilt and a picture of the Nativaty and
one
of
things
as Mr Salteena opened his sleepy eyes. Just then there was rat
tat
on the door. Come in called Mr Salteena and in came Edward
Procurio
ballancing a tray very cleverly. He looked most elegant with
his
shiny black hair and pale yellow face and half shut eyes. He
smiled
in a very mystearious and superier way as he placed the tray on
Mr
Salteenas pointed knees.
Your
early beverage he announced and began to pull up the blinds
still
smiling to himself.
Oh
thankyou cried Mr Salteena feeling very towzld compared to this
grand
fellow. Then to his great supprise Procurio began to open the
wardrobe
and look at Mr Salteenas suits making italian exclamations
under
his breath. Mr Salteena dare not say a word so he swollowed his
tea
and eat a Marie biscuit hastilly. Presently Procurio advanced to
the
bed with a bright blue serge suit. Will you wear this today sir he
asked
quietly.
Oh
certainly said Mr Salteena.
And a
clean shirt would not come amiss said Procurio what about this
pale blue
and white stripe.
With
pleashure replied Mr Salteena. So Procurio laid them out in neat
array
also a razer and brush for shaving. Then he opened a door saying
This
is the bath room shall I turn on hot or cold.
I
dont mind said Mr Salteena feeling very hot and ignorant.
It is
best for you to decide sir said Procurio firmly.
Well
I will try cold said Mr Salteena feeling it was more manly to say
that.
Procurio bowed and beat a retreat to the bath room. Then he
returned
and told Mr. Salteena that when he was washed he would find
his
breakfast in the sitting room. When Mr Salteena was dressed in his
best
blue suit and clean shirt he stroled into the sitting room where
a gay
canary was singing fit to burst in the window and a copple of
doves
cooing in a whicker cage. A cheery smell greeted him as Procurio
glided
in with some steaming coffie. Mr Salteena felt more at home and
passed
a few remarks about the weather. Procurio smiled and uncovered
some
lovely kidnys on toast and as he did so bent and whispered in Mr
Salteenas
ear you could have come in in your dressing gown.
Mr
Salteena gave a start. Oh can I he said ten thousand thanks.
Then
Procurio passed out and Mr Salteena finnished his kidneys and
chiruped
to the birds and had a cigarette from a handsome purple box
which
he found on the desk. Then Procurio entered once more and with a
bow
said. His lordship is going to a levie this morning and thinks it
might
amuse you to go too. Could you be ready by 11 oclock.
Oh
yes what fun said Mr Salteena have you any notion what a levie is
my
man.
Procurio
gave a superier smile. It is a party given by the Queen to
very
superier peaple but this one is given by the Prince of Wales as
the
Queen is not quite her usual self today. It will be at Buckingham
palace
so you will drive with his lordship.
Mr
Salteena was fearfully excited. What shall I weare he gasped.
Well
of course you ought to have black satin knickerbockers and a hat
with
white feathers also garters and a star or two.
You
supprise me said Mr Salteena I have none of those articles.
Well
said Procurio kindly his lordship will lend you his second best
cocked
hat as you are obliged to wear one and I think with a little
thourght
I might rig you up so as to pass muster.
Then
they rumaged among Mr Salteenas things and Procurio got very
intelligent
and advised Mr Salteena to were his black evening suit and
role
up his trousers. He also lent him a pair of white silk stockings
which
he fastened tightly round his knees with red rosettes. Then he
quickly
cut out a star in silver paper and pinned it to his chest and
also
added a strip of red ribbon across his shirt front. Then Mr
Salteena
survayed himself in the glass. Is it a fancy dress party he
asked.
No
they always were that kind of thing but wait till you see his
Lordship--if
you are ready sir I will conduct you in.
Mr
Salteena followed Procurio up countless stairs till they came to
the
Earls compartments and tapped on the bedroom door.
Come
in cried a merry voice and in they strode.
I
have done my best with Mr Salteena my lord I trust he will do the
hat
of course will make a deal of diffrence.
Mr
Salteena bowed nervously wishing he had got correct knickerbockers
as
his trousers did not feel too firm in spite of the garters.
Not
half bad cried the earl try on the hat Salteena it is on my bed.
Mr
Salteena placed it on his head and the feathers and gold braid
became
him very well but he felt very jellous of the earl who looked a
sight
for the gods. He had proper satin knickerbockers with diamond
clasps
and buckled shoes and black silk stockings which showed up his
long
fine legs. He had a floppy shirt of softist muslin with real lace
collar
and cuffs. A sword hung at his side and a crimson sash
was
round his waist and a splendid cocked hat on his head. His blue
eyes
twinkled as he pulled on a pair of white kid gloves.
Well
come on Salteena he cried and dont be nervus I will get you a
pair
of knickers tomorrow. Will you get a hansome Procurio.
Presently
the earl and Mr Salteena were clattering away to Buckingham
palace.
You
wont mind if I introduce you as Lord Hyssops do you said the earl
as he
lit his pipe. You see you are sort of mixed up with the family
so it
wont matter and will look better.
So it
would said Mr Salteena what do we do at the levie.
Oh we
strole round and eat ices and champaigne and that kind of thing
and
sometimes there is a little music.
Is
there any dancing asked Mr Salteena.
Well
not always said the Earl.
I am
glad of that said Mr Salteena I am not so nimble as I was
and
my garters are a trifle tight.
Sometimes
we talk about the laws and politics said the earl if Her
Majesty
is in that kind of a mood.
Just
then the splendid edifice appeared in view and Mr Salteena licked
his
dry lips at sight of the vast crowd. All round were carrages full
of
costly peaple and outside the railings stood tall Life Guards
keeping
off the mere peaple who had gathered to watch the nobility
clatter
up. Lord Clincham began to bow right and left raising his
cocked
hat to his friends. There was a lot of laughter and friendly
words
as the cab finally drew up at the front door. Two tall life
guards
whisked open the doors and one of them kindly tipped the
cabman.
Mr Salteena followed his lordship up the grand steps trying to
feel
as homely as he could. Then a splendid looking fellow in a red
tunick
and a sort of black velvit tam a shanter stepped forward
from
the throng shouting what name please.
The
Earl of Clincham and Lord Hyssops calmly replied the earl gently
nudging
Mr Salteena to act up. Mr Salteena nodded and blinked at the
menial
as much as to say all is well and then he and the earl hung up
their
cocked hats on two pegs. This way cried a deep voice and another
menial
apeared wearing stiff white britches top boots and a green
velvit
coat with a leather belt also a very shiny top hat. They
followed
this fellow down countless corridoors and finally came to big
folding
doors. The earl twiddled his mustache and slapped his leg with
his
white glove as calmly as could be. Mr Salteena purspired rarther
hard
and gave a hitch to his garters to make sure.
Then
the portles divided and their names were shouted in chorus by
countless
domesticks. The sumshious room was packed with men of a
noble
nature dressed like the earl in satin knickerboccers etc and
with
ladies of every hue with long trains and jewels by the
dozen.
You could hardly moove in the gay throng. Dukes were as nought
as
there were a good lot of princes and Arch Dukes as it was a very
superier
levie indeed. The earl and Mr Salteena struggled through the
crowd
till they came to a platform draped with white velvit. Here on a
golden
chair was seated the prince of Wales in a lovely ermine cloak
and a
small but costly crown. He was chatting quite genially with some
of
the crowd.
Up
clambered the earl followed at top speed by Mr Salteena.
Hullo
Clincham cried the Prince quite homely and not at all grand so
glad
you turned up--quite a squash eh.
A bit
over powering your Highness said the earl who was quite used to
all
this may I introduce my friend Lord Hyssops he is staying with me
so I
thought I would bring him along if you dont mind Prince.
Not
at all cried the genial prince looking rather surprised.
Mr
Salteena bowed so low he nearly fell off the platform and as the
prince
put out a hand Mr Salteena thought he had better kiss it. The
Prince
smiled kindly I am pleased to see you Lord Hyssops he said in a
regal
voice.
Then
the Earl chipped in and how is the dear Queen he said reveruntly.
Not
up to much said his Highness she feels the heat poor soul and he
waved
to a placard which said in large letters The Queen is
indisposed.
Presently
his Highness rose I think I will have a quiet glass of
champaigne
he said you come too Clincham and bring your friend the
Diplomats
are arriving and I am not much in the mood for deep talk I
have
already signed a dozen documents so I have done my duty.
They
all went out by a private door and found themselves in a smaller
but
gorgous room. The Prince tapped on the table and instantly two
menials
in red tunics appeared. Bring three glasses of champaigne
commanded
the prince and some ices he added majestikally. The goods
appeared
as if by majic and the prince drew out a cigar case and
passed
it round.
One
grows weary of Court Life he remarked.
Ah
yes agreed the earl.
It
upsets me said the prince lapping up his strawberry ice all I want
is
peace and quiut and a little fun and here I am tied down to this
life
he said taking off his crown being royal has many painfull
drawbacks.
True
mused the Earl.
Silence
fell and the strains of the band could be heard from the next
room.
Suddenly the prince gazed at Mr Salteena. Who did you say you
were
he asked in a puzzled tone.
Lord
Hyssops responded our hero growing purple at the lie.
Well
you are not a bit like the Lord Hyssops I know replied the
Prince
could you explain matters.
Mr
Salteena gazed helplessly at the earl who had grown very pale and
seemed
lost for the moment. However he quickly recovered.
He is
quite alright really Prince he said His mother was called Miss
Hyssops
of the Glen.
Indeed
said his royal Highness that sounds correct but who was your
father
eh.
Then
Mr Salteena thourght he would not tell a lie so in trembly tones
he
muttered My poor father was but a butcher your Highness a very
honest
one I may add and passing rich he was called Domonic Salteena
and
my name is Alfred Salteena.
The
Prince stroked his yellow beard and rarther admired Mr Salteena
for
his truthful utterance--Oh I see he said well why did you palm off
on my
menials as Lord Hyssops eh
Mr
Salteena wiped his swetting brow but the earl came to the
rescue
nobly. My fault entirely Prince he chimed in, as I was bringing
him
to this very supearier levie I thought it would be better to say he
was
of noble birth have I offended your Royal dignity.
Not
much said the prince it was a laudible notion and perhaps I will
ask
Mr Salteena to one of my big balls some day.
Oh
your Highness gasped our hero falling on one knee that would indeed
be a
treat.
I
suppose Prince you have not got a job going at this palace for my
friend
asked the earl you see I am rubbing him up in socierty ways and
he
fancies court life as a professhon.
Oh
dose he said the prince blinking his eyes well I might see.
I
suggested if there was a vacency going he might try cantering after
the
royal barouche said the earl.
So he
might said the prince I will speak to the prime Minister
about
it and let you know.
Ten
thousand thanks cried Mr Salteena bowing low.
Well
now I must get along back to the levie announced the prince
putting
on his crown I have booked a valse with the Arch duchess of
the
big room where the nobility were whirling gaily roand the more
searious
peaple such as the prime minister and the admirals etc were
eating
ices and talking passionately about the laws in a low
undertone.
The
earl was soon mingling gaily in a set of lancers but Mr Salteena
dare
not because of his trousers. However he sat on a velvit chair and
quite
enjoyed over hearing the intelligent conversation of the prime
minister.
And now we will leave our hero enjoying his glimpse of high
life
and return to Ethel Monticue.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 7 - BERNARDS IDEAR
After
Mr Salteena had departed Bernard Clark thourght he would show
Ethel
over his house so they spent a merry morning so doing. Ethel
passed
bright remarks on all the rooms and Bernard thourght she was
most
pretty and Ethel began to be a bit excited. After a lovly lunch
they
sat in the gloomy hall and Ethel began to feel very glad Mr
Salteena
was not there. Suddenly Bernard lit his pipe I was thinking
he
said passionately what about going up to
Gaierty.
Who
inquired Ethel in a low tone.
You
and me said Bernard I know of several splendid hotels and we could
go to
theaters and parties and enjoy ourselves to the full.
So we
could what an idear cried Ethel.
So
the merry plan was all arranged and they spent the afternoon in
packing
there trunks. Next day they were all ready in the hall when
the
handsome viacle once more clattered up. Ethel had on her blue
velvit
get up and a sweet new hat and plenty of ruge on her face and
looked
quite a seemly counterpart for Bernard who was arrayed in a
white
and shiny mackintosh top boots and a well brushed top hat tied
on to
him with a bit of black elastick.
Well
goodbye Minnit he cried to the somber butler take care of your
gout
and the silver and I will pay your wages when I come back.
Thankyou
kindly sir murmured Minnit when may I expect your return.
Oh
well I will wire he said and dashed doun the steps.
Ethel
followed with small lady like steps having bowed perlitely to
Minnit
who closed his eyes in acknowlegment of her kindness.
The
sun was shining and Ethel had the feeling of going to a very jolly
party
and felt so sorry for all the passers by who were not going to
Arrived
in the gay city Bernard hailed a eab to the manner born and
got
in followed by Ethel. Kindly drive us to the Gaierty Hotel he
cried
in a firm tone. The cabman waved his whip and off they dashed.
We
shall be highly comfortable and select at the Gaierty said Bernard
and
he thourght to himself how lovly it would be if he was married to
Ethel.
He blushed a deep shade at his own thourghts and gave a side
long
glance at Ethel who was gazing out of the window. Well one never
knows
he murmerd to himself and as one of the poets says great events
from
trivil causes springs.
Just
then they stopped at the gay hotel and Ethel was spellbound at
the
size of the big hall--Bernard poked his head into the window of
the
pay desk. Have you a coupple of bedrooms for self and young
lady
he enquired in a lordly way.
A
very handsome lady with golden hair and a lace apron glanced at a
book
and hastilly replied Oh yes sir two beauties on the 1st floor
number
9 and 10.
Thankyou
said Bernard we will go up if you have no objection.
None
whatever sir said the genial lady the beds are well aired and the
view
is quite pleasant.
Come
along Ethel cried Bernard this sounds alright eh.
Oh
quite said Ethel with a beaming smile.
They
went upstairs and entered number 9 a very fine compartment with a
large
douny bed and white doors with glass handles leading into number
10 an
equally dainty room but a trifle smaller.
Which
will you have Ethel asked Bernard.
Oh
well I would rarther you settled it said Ethel. I am willing
to
abide by your choice.
The
best shall be yours then said Bernard bowing gallantly and
pointing
to the biggest room.
Ethel
blushed at his speaking look. I shall be quite lost in that huge
bed
she added to hide her embarassment.
Yes I
expect you will said Bernard and now what about a little table
d'ote
followed by a theater.
Oh
yes cried Ethel and downstairs they went.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 8 - A GAY CALL
I
tell you what Ethel said Bernard Clark about a week later we might
go
and pay a call on my pal the Earl of Clincham.
Oh do
lets cried Ethel who was game for any new adventure I would
dearly
love to meet his lordship.
Bernard
gave a frown of jellousy at her rarther mere words.
Well
dress in your best he muttered.
Ethel
skipped into her bedroom and arrayd herself in a grass green
muslin
of decent cut a lace scarf long faun colored kid gloves and a
muslin
hat to correspond. She carried a parasole in one hand also a
green
silk bag containing a few stray hair pins a clean handkerchief
five
shillings and a pot of ruge in case. She looked a dainty vishen
with
her fair hair waving in the breeze and Bernard bit his lips
rarther
hard for he could hardly contain himself and felt he must
marry
Ethel soon. He looked a handsome sight himself in some exquisite
white
trousers with a silk shirt and a pale blue blazer belt and cap.
He
wore this in honour of the earl who had been to
youth
and so had Bernard Clark.
At
last they found themselves in the entrance hall of the Crystale
palace
and speedily made their way to the privite compartments. Edward
Procurio
was walking up and down the passage looking dark and
mystearious
as usual.
Is
His Lordship at home cried Bernard Clark cheerily.
Which
one asked Procurio many lords live here he said scornfully.
Well
I mean the Earl of Clincham said Bernard.
Oh
yes he is in responded Procurio and to the best of my belief giving
a
party.
Indeed
ejaculated Bernard we have come in the nick of time Ethel he
added.
Yes said Ethel in an excited tone.
Then
they pealed on the bell and the door flew open. Sounds of
laughter
and comic songs issued from the abode and in a second they
were
in the crowded drawing room. It was packed with all the Elite and
a
stout duchess with a good natured face was singing a lively song and
causing
much merriment. The earl strode forward at sight of two new
comers.
Hullo Bernard old boy he cried this is a pleasure and who have
you
got with you he added glancing at Ethel.
Oh
this is Miss Monticue said Bernard shall I introduce you----
If
you will be so good said the Earl in an affable tone and Bernard
hastily
performed the right. Ethel began a bright conversatiun while
Bernard
stroled off to see if he could find any friends amid the
throng.
What
pleasant compartments you have cried Ethel in rarther a socierty
tone.
Fairly
so so responded the Earl do you lire in
loud
tone as someone was playing a very difficult peice on the piano.
Well
no I dont said Ethel my home is really in Northumberland but I am
at
present stopping with Mr Clark at the Gaierty Hotel she continud in
a
somewhat showing off tone.
Oh I
see said the earl well shall I introduce you to a few of my
friends.
Of
please do said Ethel with a dainty blow at her nose.
The
earl disserppeard into the madding crowd and presently came back
with
a middle aged gentleman. This is Lord Hyssops he said my friend
Miss
Monticue he added genially.
Ethel
turned a dull yellaw. Lord Hyssops she said in a faint voice why
it is
Mr Salteena I know him well.
Hush
cried the Earl it is a title bestowd recently by my friend the
Prince
of Wales.
Yes
indeed murmered Mr Salteena deeply flabbergasted by the ready wit
of
the earl.
Oh
indeed said Ethel in a peevish tone well how do you come to be
here.
I am
stopping with his Lordship said Mr Salteena and have a set of
compartments
in the basement so there.
I
dont care said huffy Ethel I am in handsome rooms at the Gaierty.
Nothing
could be nicer I am sure struck in the earl what do you say
Hyssops
eh.
Doubtless
it is charming said Mr Salteena who was wanting peace tell
me
Ethel how did you leave Bernard.
I
have not left him said Ethel in an annoying voice I am stopping with
him
at the gaierty and we have been to lots of theaters and dances.
Well
I am glad you are enjoying yourself said Mr Salteena kindly you
had
been looking pale of late.
No
wonder in your stuffy domain cried Ethel well have you got any more
friends
she added turning to the earl.
Well
I will see said the obliging earl and he once more disapeared.
I
dont know why you should turn against me Ethel said Mr Salteena in a
low
tone.
Ethel
patted her hair and looked very sneery. Well I call it very
mystearious
you going off and getting a title said Ethel and I think
our
friendship had better stop as no doubt you will soon be marrying a
duchess
or something.
Not
at all said Mr Salteena you must know Ethel he said blushing a
deep
red I always wished to marry you some fine day.
This
is news to me cried Ethel still peevish.
But
not to me murmered Mr Salteena and his voice trembled in his
chest.
I may add that I have always loved you and now I seem to do so
madly
he added passionately.
But I
dont love you responded Ethel.
But
if you married me you might get to said Mr Salteena.
I
think not replied Ethel and all the same it is very kind of you to
ask
me and she smiled more nicely at him.
This
is agony cried Mr Salteena clutching hold of a table my life will
be
sour grapes and ashes without you.
Be a
man said Ethel in a gentle whisper and I shall always think of
you
in a warm manner.
Well
half a loaf is better than no bread responded Mr Salteena in a
gloomy
voice and just then the earl reappeard with a very brisk lady
in a
tight silk dress whose name was called Lady Gay Finchling and her
husband
was a General but had been dead a few years. So this is Miss
Monticue
she began in a rarther high voice. Oh yes said Ethel and Mr
Salteena
wiped the foaming dew from his forehead. Little did Lady
Gay
Finchling guess she had just disturbed a proposal of marrage.
The
Earl chimed into the conversation now and again and Lady Gay
Finchling
told several rarther witty stories to enliven the party.
Then
Bernard Clark came up and said they had better be going.
Well
goodbye Clincham he said I must say I have enjoyed this party
most
rechauffie I call it dont you Ethel.
Most
cried Ethel I suppose you often come she added in a tone of envy
to
Lady Gay Finchling.
Pretty
often said Lady G. F. well goodbye as I see you are in a hurry
to be
off and she dashed off towards the refreshment place.
Goodbye
Ethel said poor Mr Salteena in a spasam and he seized hold of
her
hand you will one day rue your wicked words farewell he repeated
emphatically.
Oh
well goodbye said Ethel in a vage tone and then turning to the earl
she
said I have enjoyed myself very much thankyou.
Please
dont mention it cried the earl well goodbye Bernard he added I
shall
look you up some day at your hotel.
Yes
do muttered Bernard always welcome Clincham old boy he added
placing
his blue crickit cap on his head and so saying he and Ethel
left
the gay scene and once more oozed fourth into the streets of
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 9 - A PROPOSALE
Next
morning while imbibing his morning tea beneath his pink silken
quilt
Bernard decided he must marry Ethel with no more delay. I love
the
girl he said to himself and she must be mine but I somehow feel I
can
not propose in
gay
twittering of the birds and the smell of the cows I will lay my
suit
at her feet and he waved his arm wildly at the gay thought. Then
he
sprang from bed and gave a rat tat at Ethels door.
Are
you up my dear he called.
Well
not quite said Ethel hastilly jumping from her downy nest.
Be
quick cried Bernard I have a plan to spend a day near
Castle
and we will take our lunch and spend a happy day.
Oh
Hurrah shouted Ethel I shall soon be ready as I had my bath last
night
so wont wash very much now.
No
dont said Bernard and added in a rarther fervent tone through the
chink
of the door you are fresher than the rose my dear no soap could
make
you fairer.
Then
he dashed off very embarrased to dress. Ethel blushed and felt a
bit
excited as she heard the words and she put on a new white muslin
dress
in a fit of high spirits. She looked very beautifull with some
red
roses in her hat and the dainty red ruge in her cheeks looked
quite
the thing. Bernard heaved a sigh and his eyes flashed as he
beheld
her and Ethel thorght to herself what a fine type of manhood he
reprisented
with his nice thin legs in pale broun trousers and well
fitting
spats and a red rose in his button hole and rarther a sporting
cap
which gave him a great air with its quaint check and little
flaps
to pull down if necesarry. Off they started the envy of all the
waiters.
They
arrived at
hired
a boat to row his beloved up the river. Ethel could not row but
she
much enjoyed seeing the tough sunburnt arms of Bernard tugging at
the
oars as she lay among the rich cushons of the dainty boat. She had
a
rarther lazy nature but Bernard did not know of this. However he
soon
got dog tired and sugested lunch by the mossy bank.
Oh
yes said Ethel quickly opening the sparkling champaigne.
Dont
spill any cried Bernard as he carved some chicken.
They
eat and drank deeply of the charming viands ending up with
merangs
and choclates.
Let
us now bask under the spreading trees said Bernard in a passiunate
tone.
Oh
yes lets said Ethel and she opened her dainty parasole and
sank
down upon the long green grass. She closed her eyes but she was far
from
asleep. Bernard sat beside her in profound silence gazing at her
pink
face and long wavy eye lashes. He puffed at his pipe for some
moments
while the larks gaily caroled in the blue sky. Then he edged a
trifle
closer to Ethels form.
Ethel
he murmured in a trembly voice.
Oh
what is it said Ethel hastily sitting up.
Words
fail me ejaculated Bernard horsly my passion for you is intense
he added
fervently. It has grown day and night since I first beheld
you.
Oh
said Ethel in supprise I am not prepared for this and she lent back
against
the trunk of the tree.
Bernard
placed one arm tightly round her. When will you marry me Ethel
he
uttered you must be my wife it has come to that I love you so
intensly
that if you say no I shall perforce dash my body to the
brink
of yon muddy river he panted wildly.
Oh
dont do that implored Ethel breathing rarther hard.
Then
say you love me he cried.
Oh
Bernard she sighed fervently I certinly love you madly you are to
me
like a Heathen god she cried looking at his manly form and handsome
flashing
face I will indeed marry you.
How
soon gasped Bernard gazing at her intensly.
As
soon as possible said Ethel gently closing her eyes.
My
Darling whispered Bernard and he seiezed her in his arms we will be
marrid
next week.
Oh
Bernard muttered Ethel this is so sudden.
No no
cried Bernard and taking the bull by both horns he kissed her
violently
on her dainty face. My bride to be he murmered several
times.
Ethel
trembled with joy as she heard the mistick words.
Oh
Bernard she said little did I ever dream of such as this and she
suddenly
fainted into his out stretched arms.
Oh I
say gasped Bernard and laying the dainty burden on the grass he
dashed
to the waters edge and got a cup full of the fragrant river to
pour
on his true loves pallid brow.
She
soon came to and looked up with a sickly smile Take me back to the
Gaierty
hotel she whispered faintly.
With
plesure my darling said Bernard I will just pack up our viands
ere I
unloose the boat.
Ethel
felt better after a few drops of champagne and began to tidy her
hair
while Bernard packed the remains of the food. Then arm in arm
they
tottered to the boat.
I
trust you have not got an illness my darling murmured Bernard as he
helped
her in.
Oh no
I am very strong said Ethel I fainted from joy she added to
explain
matters.
Oh I
see said Bernard handing her a cushon well some people do he
added
kindly and so saying they rowed down the dark stream now flowing
silently
beneath a golden moon. All was silent as the lovers glided
home
with joy in their hearts and radiunce on their faces only the
sound
of the mystearious water lapping against the frail vessel broke
the
monotony of the night.
So I
will end my chapter.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 10 - PREPARING FOR THE FRAY
The
next few days were indeed bussy for Ethel and Bernard. First of
all
Ethel got some dainty pink note paper with silver crest on it and
sent
out invitations in the following terms to all their frends.
Miss Ethel Monticue will be marrie=
d to
Mr Bernard Clark at
on June 10th. Your company is requ=
ested
there at 2-30 sharp and afterwards=
for refreshment at the Gaierty Hot=
el.
R.S.V.P.
Having
posted heaps of these and got several replies Ethel began to
order
her wedding dress which cost a good bit. She chose a rich satin
with
a humped pattern of gold on the pure white and it had a long
train
edged with Airum lilies. Her veil was of pure lace with a
crown
of orange blossum. Her bouquett she ordered to be of white dog
daisies
satin
ribbon.
You
will indeed be a charming spectacle my darling gasped Bernard as
they
left the shop. Then they drove to the tailor where Bernard
ordered
an elligant black suit with coat tails lined with crimson
satin
and a pale lavender tie and an opera hat of the same hue and he
intended
to wear violets in his buttonholes also his best white spats
diamond
studs and a few extras of costly air. They both ordered a lot
of
new clothes besides and Bernard gave Ethel a very huge
rubies
and diamonds also two rich bracelets and Ethel gave him a bran
new
trunk of shiny green leather. The earl of Clincham sent a charming
gift
of some hem stitched sheets edged with real lace and a photo of
himself
in a striking attitude. Mr Salteena sent Ethel a bible
with
a few pious words of advice and regret and he sent Bernard a very
handy
little camp stool. Ethels parents were too poor to come so far but
her
Mother sent her a gold watch which did not go but had been some years
in
the family and her father provided a cheque for £2 and promised to
send
her a darling little baby calf when ready. Then they ordered the
most
splendid refreshments they had tea and coffie and sparkling wines
to
drink also a lovly wedding cake of great height with a sugar angel
at
the top holding a sword made of almond paste. They had countless
cakes
besides also ices jelly merangs jam tarts with plenty of jam on
each
some cold tongue some ham with salid and a pig's head done up in
a
wondrous manner. Ethel could hardly contain herself as she gazed at
the
sumpshious repast and Bernard gave her a glass of rich wine while
he
imbibed some whiskey before going to bed. Ethel got speedilly into
her
bed for the last time at the dear old Gaierty and shed a few
salt
tears thinking of her past life but she quickly cheerd up and began
to
plan about how many children she would have. I hope I shall have a
good
lot she thourght to herself and so saying fell into repose.
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 11 - THE WEDDING
The
Abbey was indeed thronged next day when Ethel and Bernard cantered
up in
a very fine carrage drawn by two prancing steeds who foamed a
good
deal. In the porch stood several clean altar boys who conducted
the
lucky pair up the aile while the organ pealed a merry blast The
mighty
edifice was packed and seated in the front row was the Earl of
Clincham
looking very brisk as he was going to give Ethel away at the
correct
moment. Beside him sat Mr Salteena all in black and looking
bitterly
sad and he ground his teeth as Ethel came marching up. There
were
some merry hymns and as soon as Ethel and Bernard were one the
clergyman
began a sermon about Adam and Eve and the serpent and
Mr
Salteena cried into his large handkerchief and the earl kept on
nudging
him as his sniffs were rarther loud. Then the wedding march
pealed
fourth and doun the church stepped Ethel and Bernard as husband
and
wife. Into the cab they got and speedelly dashed off to the
Gaierty.
The wedding refreshments were indeed a treat to all and even
Mr
Salteena cheered up when he beheld the wedding cake and sparkling
wines.
Then the earl got up and made a very fine speech about marrage
vows
and bliss and he quoted several good bits from the bible which
got a
lot of applause. Bernard replied in good round terms. I thank
your
lordship for those kind remarks he said in clear tones I expect
we
shall be as happy as a lark and I hope you will all be ditto some
day.
Here Here muttered a stray lady in the crowd and down sat Bernard
while
Ethel went up to change her wedding garment for a choice pink
velvit
dress with a golden gurdle and a very chick tocque. Bernard
also
put on a new suit of blue stripe and some silk socks and
clean
under clothing. Hurah hurah shouted the guests as the pair
reappeard
in the aforesaid get ups. Then everybody got a bag of rice and
sprinkled
on the pair and Mr Salteena sadly threw a white tennis shoe
at
them wiping his eyes the while. Off drove the happy pair and the
guests
finished up the food. The happy pair went to
Honymoon
as they thought it would be a nice warm spot and they had
never
seen the wondrous land. Ethel was a bit sick on the boat but
Bernard
braved the storm in manly style. However Ethel had recovered
by
the time they got to
six
weeks of bliss while we return to
<= span lang=3DEN-GB>CHAPTER 12 - HOW IT ENDED
Mr
Salteena by the aid of the earl and the kindness of the Prince of
in
a
smart suit of green velvit with knickerbockers compleat. At first he
was
rarther terrified as he was not used to riding and he found his
horse
bumped him a good deal and he had to cling on desperatly to its
flowing
main. At other times the horse would stop dead and Mr Salteena
would
use his spurs and bad languige with no avail. But he soon got
more
used to his fresh and sultry steed and His Royal Highness seemed
satisfide.
The
Earl continued his merry life at the Compartments till
finally
he fell in love with one of the noble ladies who haunted them.
She
was not so pretty as Ethel as she had rarther a bulgy figure and
brown
eyes but she had lovely raven tresses a pointed nose and a rose
like
complexion of a dainty hue. She had very nice feet and plenty of
money.
Her name was called Lady Helena Herring and her age was 25 and
she
mated well with the earl.
Mr
Salteena grew very lonely after the earl was marrid and he could
not
bear a single life any more so failing Ethel he marrid one of the
maids
in waiting at Buckingham palace by name Bessie Topp a plesant
girl
of 18 with a round red face and rarther stary eyes.
So
now that all our friends are marrid I will add a few words about
their
familys. Ethel and Bernard returned from their Honymoon with a
son
and hair a nice fat baby called Ignatius Bernard. They soon
had
six more children four boys and three girls and some of them were
twins
which was very exciting.
The
Earl only got two rarther sickly girls called Helen and Marie
because
the last one looked slightly french.
Mr
Salteena had a large family of 10 five of each but he grew very
morose
as the years rolled by and his little cottage was very noisy
and
his wife was a bit annoying at times especially when he took to
dreaming
of Ethel and wishing he could have marrid her. Still he was a
pius
man in his way and found relief in prayer.
Bernard
Clark was the happiest of our friends as he loved Ethel to the
bitter
end and so did she him and they had a nice house too.
The
Earl soon got tired of his sickly daughters and his wife had a
savage
temper so he thourght he would divorce her and try again but he
gave
up the idear after several attempts and decided to offer
it up
as a Mortification.
So
now my readers we will say farewell to the characters in this book.
The
End
by
Daisy Ashford