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Tortoises
By
D. H. Lawrence
Contents
=
You know what it=
is to
be born alone, Baby tortoi=
se! The first d=
ay to
heave your feet little by little =
from
the shell, Not yet awa=
ke, And remain =
lapsed
on earth, Not quite a=
live.
A tiny, fragile,
half-animate bean.
To open your tiny
beak-mouth, that looks as if =
it
would never open, Like some i=
ron
door; To
lift the upper hawk-beak from the lower base And reach y=
our
skinny little neck And take yo=
ur
first bite at some dim bit of =
herbage,
Alone,
small insect, Tiny bright=
-eye, Slow one.
To take your fir=
st
solitary bite And move on=
your
slow, solitary hunt. Your bright=
, dark
little eye, Your eye of=
a
dark disturbed night, Under its s=
low
lid, tiny baby tortoise, So indomita=
ble.
No one ever hear=
d you
complain.
You draw your he=
ad
forward, slowly, from your =
little
wimple And
set forward, slow-dragging, on your four- =
pinned
toes, Rowing slow=
ly
forward. Whither awa=
y,
small bird?
Rather like a ba=
by
working its limbs, Except that=
you
make slow, ageless progress And a baby =
makes
none.
The touch of sun
excites you, And the long
ages, and the lingering chill Make you pa=
use to
yawn, Opening your
impervious mouth, Suddenly
beak-shaped, and very wide, like some =
suddenly
gaping pincers; Soft red to=
ngue,
and hard thin gums, Then close =
the
wedge of your little mountain =
front,
Your =
face,
baby tortoise.
Do you wonder at=
the
world, as slowly you turn =
your
head in its wimple And look wi=
th
laconic, black eyes? Or is sleep
coming over you again, The non-lif=
e?
You are so hard =
to
wake.
Are you able to
wonder?
Or is it just yo=
ur
indomitable will and pride of =
the
first life Looking round And slowly
pitching itself against the inertia Which had s=
eemed
invincible?
The vast inanima=
te, And the fine
brilliance of your so tiny eye.
Challenger.
Nay, tiny shell-=
bird, What a huge=
vast
inanimate it is, that you must =
row
against, What an
incalculable inertia.
Challenger.
Little Ulysses,
fore-runner, No bigger t=
han my
thumb-nail, Buon viaggi=
o.
All animate crea=
tion
on your shoulder, Set forth, =
little
Titan, under your battle-shield.
The ponderous,
preponderate, Inanimate
universe; And you are
slowly moving, pioneer, you alone.
How vivid your
travelling seems now, in the =
troubled
sunshine, Stoic, Ulys=
sean
atom; Suddenly
hasty, reckless, on high toes.
Voiceless little=
bird,
Resti=
ng
your head half out of your wimple In the slow
dignity of your eternal pause. Alone, with=
no
sense of being alone, And hence s=
ix
times more solitary; Fulfilled o=
f the
slow passion of pitching through =
immemorial
ages =
Your
little round house in the midst of chaos.
Over the garden =
earth,
Small=
bird,
Over =
the
edge of all things.
Traveller, With your t=
ail
tucked a little on one side Like a gent=
leman
in a long-skirted coat.
All life carried=
on
your shoulder, Invincible
fore-runner.
The Cross, the C=
ross Goes deeper=
in
than we know, Deeper into=
life;
Right=
into
the marrow And through=
the
bone.
=
Along the back o=
f the
baby tortoise The scales =
are
locked in an arch like a bridge, Scale-lappi=
ng,
like a lobster's sections Or a bee's.=
Then crossways d=
own
his sides Tiger-strip=
es and
wasp-bands. Five, and five ag=
ain,
and five again, And round t=
he
edges twenty-five little ones, The section=
s of
the baby tortoise shell.
Four, and a keys=
tone; Four, and a
keystone; Four, and a
keystone; Then twenty=
-four,
and a tiny little keystone.
It needed
Pythagoras to see life placin=
g her =
counters
on the living back Of the baby
tortoise; Life establ=
ishing
the first eternal mathematical =
tablet,
Not in
stone, like the Judean Lord, or bronze, but =
in
life-clouded, life-rosy tortoise-shell.
The first little
mathematical gentleman Stepping, w=
ee
mite, in his loose trousers Under all t=
he
eternal dome of mathematical law.
Fives, and tens,=
Threes and =
fours
and twelves, All the vol=
te
face of decimals, The whirlig=
ig of
dozens and the pinnacle of seven, Turn him on=
his
back, The
kicking little beetle, And there a=
gain,
on his shell-tender, earth-touching =
belly,
The l=
ong
cleavage of division, upright of the =
eternal
cross.
And on either si=
de
count five, On each sid=
e, two
above, on each side, two below The dark bar
horizontal.
It goes right th=
rough
him, the sprottling insect, Through his
cross-wise cloven psyche, Through his
five-fold complex-nature.
So turn him over=
on
his toes again; Four pin-po=
int
toes, and a problematical thumb- =
piece,
Four rowing limb=
s, and
one wedge-balancing- =
head,
Four and one mak=
es
five, which is the clue to all =
mathematics.
The Lord wrote i=
t all
down on the little slate Of the baby
tortoise.
Outward and visi=
ble
indication of the plan within, The complex,
manifold involvedness of an =
individual
creature Blotted out=
On this sma=
ll
bird, this rudiment, This little=
dome,
this pediment Of all crea=
tion, This slow o=
ne.
=
On he goes, the =
little
one, =
Bud of
the universe, Pediment of=
life.
Setting off some=
where,
apparently. Whither awa=
y,
brisk egg?
His mother depos=
ited
him on the soil as if he were =
no
more than droppings, And now he
scuffles tinily past her as if she were =
an
old rusty tin.
A mere obstacle,=
He veers ro=
und
the slow great mound of her.
Tortoises always
foresee obstacles.
It is no use my =
saying
to him in an emotional =
voice:
"=
;This
is your Mother, she laid you when you were =
an
egg."
He does not even
trouble to answer:
"Woman, =
what
have I to do with thee?" He wearily =
looks
the other way, And she eve=
n more
wearily looks another way =
still,
Each =
with
the utmost apathy, Incognizant=
, Unaware, Nothing.
As for papa,
Father and mothe=
r, And three l=
ittle
brothers, And all ram=
bling
aimless, like little perambulating =
pebbles
scattered in the garden, Not knowing=
each
other from bits of earth or old =
tins.
Except that papa=
and
mama are old acquaintances, =
of
course, But
family feeling there is none, not even the =
beginnings.
Fatherless,
motherless, brotherless, sisterless Little tort=
oise.
Row on then, sma=
ll
pebble, Over the cl=
ods of
the autumn, wind-chilled =
sunshine,
Young
gayety.
Does he look for= a companion? No, no, don= 't think it. He doesn't = know he is alone; Isolation i= s his birthright, This atom.<= o:p>
To row forward, =
and
reach himself tall on spiny =
toes,
To tr=
avel,
to burrow into a little loose earth, =
afraid
of the night, To crop a l=
ittle
substance, To move, an=
d to
be quite sure that he is moving: Basta!
To be a tortoise=
! Think of it=
, in a
garden of inert clods A brisk, br=
indled
little tortoise, all to himself-- Croesus!
In a garden of p=
ebbles
and insects To roam, an=
d feel
the slow heart beat Tortoise-wi=
se,
the first bell sounding From the warm blood, in the dark-creation =
morning.
Moving, and being
himself, Slow, and
unquestioned, And inordin=
ately
there, O stoic! Wandering i=
n the
slow triumph of his own =
existence,
Ringi=
ng the
soundless bell of his presence in =
chaos,
And b=
iting
the frail grass arrogantly, Decidedly
arrogantly.
=
=
She is large and
matronly And rather =
dirty,
A lit=
tle
sardonic-looking, as if domesticity had =
driven
her to it.
Though what she =
does,
except lay four eggs at =
random
in the garden once a year And put up =
with
her husband, I don't kno=
w.
She likes to eat=
.
She hurries up,
striding reared on long uncanny =
legs,
When =
food
is going. Oh yes, she=
can
make haste when she likes.
She snaps the so=
ft
bread from my hand in great =
mouthfuls,
Openi=
ng her
rather pretty wedge of an iron, =
pristine
face =
Into
an enormously wide-beaked mouth Like sudden
curved scissors, And gulping=
at
more than she can swallow, and =
working
her thick, soft tongue, And having =
the
bread hanging over her chin.
O Mistress, Mist=
ress, Reptile mis=
tress,
Your =
eye is
very dark, very bright, And it never
softens Although you
watch.
She knows, She knows w=
ell
enough to come for food, Yet she see=
s me
not; =
Her
bright eye sees, but not me, not anything, Sightful,
sightless, seeing and visionless, Reptile mis=
tress.
Taking bread in =
her
curved, gaping, toothless =
mouth,
She h=
as no
qualm when she catches my finger in =
her
steel overlapping gums, But she han=
gs on,
and my shout and my shrinking =
are
nothing to her, She does no=
t even
know she is nipping me with =
her
curved beak. Snake-like =
she
draws at my finger, while I drag =
it
in horror away.
Mistress, reptile
mistress, You are alm=
ost
too large, I am almost frightened. He is much
smaller, Dapper besi=
de
her, =
And
ridiculously small.
Her laconic eye =
has an
earthy, materialistic look, His, poor
darling, is almost fiery.
His wimple, his
blunt-prowed face, His low for=
ehead,
his skinny neck, his long, =
scaled,
striving legs, So striving,
striving, Are all more
delicate than she, And he has a
cruel scar on his shell.
Poor darling, bi=
ting
at her feet, Running bes=
ide
her like a dog, biting her earthy, splay
feet, Nipping her
ankles, Which she d=
rags
apathetic away, though without =
retreating
into her shell.
Agelessly silent=
, And with a =
grim,
reptile determination, Cold, voiceless age-after-age behind him, serpe=
nts'
long obstinacy Of horizont=
al
persistence.
Little old man <=
span
style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> Scuffling b=
eside
her, bending down, catching his =
opportunity,
Parti=
ng his
steel-trap face, so suddenly, and =
seizing
her scaly ankle, And hanging
grimly on, Letting go =
at
last as she drags away, And closing=
his
steel-trap face.
His steel-trap, =
stoic,
ageless, handsome face. Alas, what =
a fool
he looks in this scuffle.
And how he feels=
it!
The lonely rambl=
er, the
stoic, dignified stalker through cha=
os, The immune,=
the
animate, Enveloped in
isolation, Forerunner.=
Now look at=
him!
Alas, the spear =
is
through the side of his isolation. His adolesc=
ence
saw him crucified into sex, <=
span
style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> Doomed, in the lo=
ng
crucifixion of desire, to seek =
his
consummation beyond himself. Divided into
passionate duality, He, so fini=
shed
and immune, now broken into =
desirous
fragmentariness, Doomed to m=
ake an
intolerable fool of himself In his effo=
rt
toward completion again.
Poor little eart=
hy
house-inhabiting Osiris, The mysteri=
ous
bull tore him at adolescence into =
pieces,
And h=
e must
struggle after reconstruction, =
ignominiously.
And so behold him
following the tail Of that mud=
-hovel
of his slowly-rambling spouse, Like some u=
nhappy
bull at the tail of a cow, But with mo=
re
than bovine, grim, earth-dank=
=
persistence,
Sudde=
nly
seizing the ugly ankle as she stretches =
out
to walk, Roaming ove=
r the
sods, Or,
if it happen to show, at her pointed, heavy tail Beneath the
low-dropping back-board of her shell.
Their two shells=
like
doomed boats bumping, Hers huge, =
his
small; Their splay feet rambling and rowing like =
paddles,
And
stumbling mixed up in one another, In the race=
of
love-- Two
tortoises, She huge, he
small.
She seems earthi=
ly
apathetic, And he has a
reptile's awful persistence.
I heard a woman
pitying her, pitying the Mère =
Tortue.
While=
I, I
pity Monsieur. "He pe=
sters
her and torments her," said the =
woman.
How m=
uch
more is he pestered and tormented, =
say
I.
What can he do? =
He is dumb,=
he is
visionless, Conceptionl=
ess.
His black, sad-l=
idded
eye sees but beholds not As her eart=
hen
mound moves on, But he catc=
hes
the folds of vulnerable, leathery =
skin,
Nail-studde=
d, that
shake beneath her shell, And drags at
these with his beak, Drags and d=
rags
and bites, While she p=
ulls
herself free, and rows her dull =
mound
along.
=
Making his advan=
ces He does not=
look
at her, nor sniff at her, No, not even
sniff at her, his nose is blank.
Only he senses t=
he
vulnerable folds of skin That work b=
eneath
her while she sprawls along In her unga=
inly
pace, Her
folds of skin that work and row Beneath the
earth-soiled hovel in
which she =
moves.
And so he strains
beneath her housey walls And catches=
her
trouser-legs in his beak Suddenly, o=
r her
skinny limb, And strange=
and
grimly drags at her Like a dog,=
Only ageles=
sly
silent, with a reptile's awful persistency=
.
Grim, gruesome
gallantry, to which he is doomed. Dragged out=
of an
eternity of silent isolation And doomed =
to
partiality, partial being, Ache, and w=
ant of
being, Want, Self-exposu=
re,
hard humiliation, need to add =
himself
on to her.
Born to walk alo=
ne, Forerunner,=
Now suddenly
distracted into this mazy =
sidetrack,
This
awkward, harrowing pursuit, This grim
necessity from within.
Does she know As she moves
eternally slowly away? Or is he dr=
iven
against her with a bang, like a bird =
flying
in the dark against a window, All
knowledgeless?
The awful concus=
sion, And the sti=
ll
more awful need to persist, to follow, =
follow,
continue, Driven, after aeons of
pristine,
fore-god-like =
singleness
and oneness, At the end =
of
some mysterious, red-hot iron, Driven away=
from
himself into her tracks, Forced to c=
rash
against her.
Stiff, gallant,
irascible, crook-legged reptile, Little gent=
leman,
Sorry
plight, We
ought to look the other way.
Save that, havin=
g come
with you so far, We will go =
on to
the end. =
&nb=
sp;
J
=
I thought he was=
dumb,
I sai=
d he
was dumb, Yet I've he=
ard
him cry.
First faint scre=
am, Out of life=
's
unfathomable dawn, Far off, so=
far,
like a madness, under the horizon's =
dawning
rim, Far, far off, far
scream.
Tortoise in extr=
emis.
Why were we cruc=
ified
into sex?
Why were we not =
left
rounded off, and finished =
in
ourselves, As we began=
, As he certa=
inly
began, so perfectly alone?
A far, was-it-au=
dible
scream, Or
did it sound on the plasm direct?
Worse than the c=
ry of
the new-born, A scream, <=
span
style=3D'mso-spacerun:yes'> A yell, A pæa=
n, A death-ago=
ny, A birth-cry=
, A submissio=
n, All tiny, t=
iny,
far away, reptile under the first dawn.
War-cry, triumph, acute-delight, death-scream =
reptilian,
Why w=
as the
veil torn?
The silken shrie=
k of
the soul's torn membrane? The male so=
ul's
membrane Torn with a
shriek half music, half horror.
Crucifixion.
Male tortoise,
cleaving behind the hovel-wall of =
that
dense female, Mounted and
tense, spread-eagle, out-reaching =
out
of the shell In
tortoise-nakedness, Long neck, =
and
long vulnerable limbs extruded, spread-eagl=
e over
her house-roof, And the dee=
p,
secret, all-penetrating tail curved =
beneath
her walls, Reaching
His scream, and =
his
moment's subsidence, The moment =
of
eternal silence, Yet unrelea=
sed,
and after the moment, the sudden, sta=
rtling
jerk of coition, and at once The inexpre=
ssible
faint yell-- And so on, =
till
the last plasm of my body was =
melted
back =
To the
primeval rudiments of life, and the secret.
So he tups, and
screams Time after =
time
that frail, torn scream After each =
jerk,
the longish interval, The tortoise
eternity, Agelong,
reptilian persistence, Heart-throb=
, slow
heart-throb, persistent for the =
next
spasm.
I remember, when=
I was
a boy, I
heard the scream of a frog, which was caught =
with his foot in the mouth of an
up-starting =
snake;
I rem=
ember
when I first heard bull-frogs break =
into
sound in the spring; I remember
hearing a wild goose out of the throat =
of
night Cry
loudly, beyond the lake of waters; I remember =
the
first time, out of a bush in the =
darkness,
a nightingale's piercing cries and =
gurgles
startled the depths of my soul; I remember =
the
scream of a rabbit as I went =
through
a wood at midnight; I remember =
the
heifer in her heat, blorting and =
blorting
through the hours, persistent and =
irrepressible;
I rem=
ember
my first terror hearing the howl of =
weird,
amorous cats; I remember =
the
scream of a terrified, injured =
horse,
the sheet-lightning And running=
away
from the sound of a woman in =
labor,
something like an owl whooing, And listeni=
ng
inwardly to the first bleat of a =
lamb,
The f=
irst
wail of an infant, And my moth=
er
singing to herself, And the fir=
st
tenor singing of the passionate =
throat
of a young collier, who has long since =
drunk
himself to death, The first
elements of foreign speech On wild dark
lips.
And more than all
these, And
less than all these, This last, =
Strange, fa=
int
coition yell Of the male
tortoise at extremity, Tiny from u=
nder
the very edge of the farthest =
far-off
horizon of life.
The cross, The wheel o=
n which
our silence first is broken, Sex, which =
breaks
up our integrity, our single =
inviolability,
our deep silence Tearing a c=
ry
from us.
Sex, which break=
s us
into voice, sets us calling =
across
the deeps, calling, calling for the =
complement,
Singi=
ng,
and calling, and singing again, being =
answered,
having found.
Torn, to become =
whole
again, after long seeking =
for
what is lost, The same cr=
y from
the tortoise as from Christ, the Osiris-cry of
abandonment, That which =
is
whole, torn asunder, That which =
is in
part, finding its whole again =
throughout
the universe.